Grief
Admittedly, before Kiera died, I had not experienced true, deep, overwhelming, all-consuming grief in my life. That is not to say that I haven’t had people in my life die, but I had never been so stopped in my tracks that I literally did not know where to go or what to do. Below is not a comprehensive list by any means, but are resources that I used that may help you, if you are grieving or someone in your life is grieving. Most of the resources may be most relevant to the loss of a baby or young child but broadly applies to grief in general too.
after all grief is just love with nowhere to go...
Ask Me His Name by Elle Wright
Finding Meaning by David Kessler
Option B: Facing Adversity, Building Resilience, and Finding Joy by Sheryl Sandberg
Bearing the Unbearable by Joanne Cacciatore
Man’s Search for Meaning by Victor E. Frankl
Mackenzie’s Mission by Rachael Casella
The Other Side of Sadness by George A. Bonanno
Untamed by Glennon Doyle
Signs by Laura Lynne Jackson
The Courage to be Disliked by Fumitake Koga and Ichior Kishimi
Untamed by Glennon Doyle
Still by Emma Hansen
https://stillstandingmag.com/
https://rednose.org.au/
https://www.sands.org.au/
https://stillbirthfoundation.org.au/
http://www.bearsofhope.org.au/
Meditation
Walking (especially at night when there are a lot less people – the later the better)
Exercising
Hiking
Spending time outdoors in nature
Driving
Yoga
Puzzles
Writing in a journal
Cooking/Baking
Listening to Podcasts
Watching mindless TV
If you don’t know what to say, just say “I’m sorry” – saying this/anything is better than saying nothing.
Acknowledge their loss.
Say the name of their loved one.
Ask about their loved one.
Give a gift in honour of their loved one – personal touches mean a lot.
Bring them food/coffee/groceries. Or order them food/coffee/groceries to their door. Or a voucher for food/coffee/groceries. Don’t ask what they want – just do it.
Organise a cleaner.
Give a voucher for a massage or other pampering treatment.
Check in. Even if you haven’t heard back from them. They will respond eventually.
Invite them to social gatherings. They will come eventually.
Ignoring the loss – Don’t worry about reminding them of their loss and making them feel bad, they actually never forget it so it won’t be a ‘reminder’.
Trying to find a silver lining – there isn’t one.
Relating it to your experience – it’s not about you.
Saying anything that starts with “at least…” At least they’re in a better place. At least you (can) have more children. At least she didn’t suffer.
Saying that everything happens for a reason.
Saying that anyone would want or need them to move on. No matter how much time has passed
Saying “I can’t imagine” – yes, you can you just choose not to. You could experience a similar loss and you’d have to keep living too.
Kiera's Tree
Kiera’s grandparents in Ireland had planned to plant a tree in their yard for their first grand child after she was born. When Kiera unexpectedly died, the tree was planted in her honour.
One night within the first few weeks, the moon can be seen through the branches creating a heart shape. Months later, many apples began to grow.
Oh Precious, Tiny, Sweet Little One
Oh precious, tiny, sweet little one
You will always be to me
So perfect, pure and innocent
Just as you were meant to be.
We dreamed of you and your life
And all that it would be.
We waiting and longed for you to come
And join our family.
We never had the chance to play,
To laugh, to rock, to wiggle.
We long to hold you, touch you now,
And listen to you giggle.
I’ll always be your mother,
He’ll always be your dad.
You will always be our child,
The child that we had.
But now you’re gone…but yet you’re here
We sense you everywhere.
You are our sorrow and our joy,
There’s love in every tear.
Just know our love goes deep and strong,
We’ll forget you never –
The child we had, but never had,
And yet, will have forever.
Author Unknown
Footprints
These are my tiny footprints
Never touched the ground at all.
Not a single tiny footprint
That allowed me to jump or fall.
You will hear my tiny footprints
In the sound of falling rain.
Small gentle drops that whisper
Of joy and not of pain.
You will see my tiny footprints
In each butterfly’s lazy dance.
I’ll let you know I’m with you
If you give me half a chance.
You will feel my tiny footprints
In the rustle of the leaves.
I will whisper names into the wind
And call each one that grieves.
But most of all these tiny footprints
Are found in my parents’ hearts
Cause even though I’m gone now,
We’ll never truly part.
Author Unknown